On this very special occasion...

I'd just like to take this opportunity, on our two-month anniversary, to recognize the bacteria living in my intestines.

Bacteria, we may never know the exact date on which you took up residence in my intestines, but it was two months ago today that you first made your presence known, even though I initially mistook you for the consequences of eating too much pizza and ice cream the night before.

It hasn't always been the easiest relationship - you've made life rather unpleasant these past two months, and you've probably been offended by my repeated attempts to evict you via antibiotics - but you've managed to stick it out through the tough times and refused to let my behavior drive you away. It's all because of your determination that we're still together today.

We did have our good times. After all, you helped me to lose those twenty pounds, necessitating a completely new wardrobe. Without your firm discipline, I'm sure I wouldn't have the willpower to eat nothing but crackers for weeks on end. Even as I attempt to broaden my diet, the abdominal cramps after every meal are a constant reminder that you care about what I eat. Thanks to you, my digestive system will never be the same.

And so, on this special occasion, I raise my probiotic yogurt to you, Bacteria, my microscopic frenemy.